i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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