I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
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