oh god the rape fog is back!
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
