just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
PANTIES FOUND
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