woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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