I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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