Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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