I just pynch a tree in the face
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
