I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
