Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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