is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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