The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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