note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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