I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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