I heard we made out
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
