I am puke
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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