nut hugger
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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