That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Watching her eat just hurts me
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize
