one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
