oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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