Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
