Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
