I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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