I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
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