Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
