it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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