Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
