Already got asked if we're dating
she was so not down for the gang bang
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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