What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
