Sry I called you an 8
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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