what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
