the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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