dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
That was before I lit my hair on fire
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
