the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
