Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
