hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Do you still have your period?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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