Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
