Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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