Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
