Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
