Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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