UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
