I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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