I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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