her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
wow bdsm is so cute
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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