Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
The Olympian is in my bed
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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