hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
it glows. i had to have it.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
