I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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