When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
