lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
