Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
