you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
