after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
